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How to stand up after a fail

How to stand up after a fail

Expectation vs reality

I said in one of my seminars - after many others -  it doesn't matter how many times you fail, it's how you stand up after. I still have the expression of one of the students in front of me, " what do you think you're saying in the middle of a course!!!"

I hear many times from my clients and students how much they want to be successful. I see many young adults today, as they follow, for example, social media, set up targets for themselves that have nothing to do with it.

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“…if you really look closely, most overnight successes took a long time.” — Steve Jobs

One of the most important things for goals is to be persistent. But it's even more important that you pick goals that are your own.


This little picture, it's almost no matter what I'm investigating, it shows what most people expect, and compared to what's real.


This is, of course, a double sided thing, because we have a lot of talk about not having to go through a crisis to change something. However, we are not alone on this planet. So everyone around you can affect you.

So it's important to know what you want to achieve

There are a lot of people who give up on before the first major steps. And let's be honest, most of the time it's just because they made someone else's purpose theirs.


I remember spending hours, weeks sitting in front of Youtube and studying how to put together a multi-rotor drone. Then the weeks first became months, and the thing is, maybe several years. I was interested in the subject I figured out how to use this in my work. Well, then you couldn't have been bought that advanced smaller, compact machines like now. So my thoroughness (although it was more of a procrastination) is typical that I already looked at the videos that were about balancing the rotors. And I really don't make this up. But then I was all. Well, I've been going to a specialized store, but I didn't buy what I wanted. There was an excuse and I left it all there. We could say that the boldness was missing, but it was different.


As I started to understood myself later when looking at my goals I saw that it wasn't mine.

“It doesn’t matter how many times you fail. It doesn’t matter how many times you almost get it right. No one is going to know or care about your failures, and neither should you. All you have to do is learn from them and those around you because all that matters in business is that you get it right once. Then everyone can tell you how lucky you are.” ― Mark Cuban

Goals and perseverance - continuous control – happiness

So it's important that you know yourself and be persistent, but all that without understanding where you're headed, almost make no sense. There is a map in Your hand and you're moving forward. Mostly. And you're doing everything you can to reach your goal. You're persistent. But you keep the map in your hand in the reversed way, and with all your efforts, you're going in the opposite direction you wanted. And that's a lot to follow. Like blaming others. " of course, I didn't make it because of him." " he stole my idea!" or even more popular self-blame in the name of take responsibility.

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” — Herman Cain
“Successful people are just those with successful habits.” — Bryan Tracy

We do everything based on our habits. Perseverance is a habit. But then why does someone have more perseverance than others?


Unfortunately, the answer is annoyingly simple. Because they kept doing what others have already given up. Now where to stop and where to keep doing? That's the best thing I can do about it to add feelings and emotions. If you do something right, your body will give you a proper rewards. These hormones. What you don't like to do is harder to get the reward.


Then what about the habits that damage the body? There are also these, which, at first, appear as a reward for the body, cause happiness, for example, but after a while, this feeling is completely changing. It will lose the neutrality, the lightness.

Regardless, if you use your common sense and stand next to activities that build, then there's a good chance you'll be able to make it easier to develop habits that build you. If that's the case, you're already closer to what you want to achieve.

I know this whole happiness it's almost worn out, but what's the point of making things even more complicated? There have been a thousand ways of making this path to success, but for some reason, it has interested people in all times.

Taking responsibility

I'm also aware of that, and I agree with Simon Sinek, that sometimes this trip can be completely misguided. If you just want a way in your life that's totally about winning, you've misunderstood something about life. And again, I'm not talking about how everything needs to be destroyed. On the contrary.

We decide on a certain situation, experience that is good or bad. According to this, we are going to judge the way to it.

So the road is important, which specifically means how you arrived where you are now. What you learned on the way. These often determine what habits you create. And these habits determine the part of your journey that stands before you. No matter what life we're talking about. All life is equally valuable.

The fact that you just expect everything to work out as smoothly as possible, sometimes you're going to avoid the knowledge you need to make things go smoothly.


Remember your first major task at school. It seemed almost incredible to solve it at first sight. You've been able to create pictures of how much time, energy you'll need to reach these. Your fifth assignment has already cost you a quarter of your time and energy.

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” — Albert Ellis

But I see that there are a lot of people who use responsibility and commitment in a way that is most likely to destroy and not build. It can build if you recognize the parts that are actually yours. You have a chance to affect the situation. If you recognize that you have a part in how the world looks today, it's a great thing. If you just feel that this is all your fault, you went very far on this issue.


There's an opportunity to change Even if you do things that look small in your own life, you have an impact on the whole thing.


It is worth taking your responsibility, you will regain your own strength. You feel completely different when you know you can do the next task. You've done it several times. If you stop from such challenges at the beginning of the beginning, you will also miss your responsibility to create this confidence in yourself.

Taking your responsibility doesn't mean you have to solve everything alone, and the least of all is that you're responsible for everything. Simply, if you are aware that your existence is merely a matter of your existence, the actions you take - matter, then you recognize that if something doesn't turn out the way you want it, you can change it as soon as possible.

Surround yourself around with supportive people - but not with “yes” people

However, it is also worth watching what people are you surrounded by. Sometimes it looks pretty bad when someone says that, I know it. But if you surround yourself with honest people, you'll get honesty. Although sometimes it's not so comfortable. But if you make this selection wise, it won't be a destroyer, you'll surround yourself with supportive people. I also know that there are a lot of situations when it just seems impossible to choose who you surround yourself with. Sometimes you're so afraid to stand up to your own opinion, you choose acceptance. If you repeat this many times, you will be completely defeated in almost every situation.


Most people have no idea how to stand up for themselves. How to express that if something doesn't work out the way they can imagine. I don't know how is this around you, but in a lot of schools or families, they just miss the habit of making their own opinion. And I'm not thinking of quarreling, but a reasonable argument in which there is acceptance, kindness and compassion, and, of course, the stand, the confidence, and the right self-esteem.


How to learn these qualities best, use them? If you surround yourself with people who already have these or more positive qualities. A lot of parents will have to face the way their child fails because they do everything they can instead of them. The same is true for jobs where managers are unable to communicate with employees.


If you only surround yourself with people who cheer at night and day, agree with you, then I have some guess what happens. One is you're a dog breeder and you rarely meet people. Or you're a pretty strong charismatic man, and you don't tolerate contradiction. However, in a healthy society, there is a place for the diversity of opinions. If you want to evolve, you should be able to see your things from another perspective.


The opinion is something like limb, everyone has it. But I accept it…. it's different.

"It’s good listen to people's opinions, but which one you to accept is a different question..."-my Mom

Who you surround yourself with is completely individual. There's no recipe for that. There is also the opinion that your enemies should be the closest, but I think it will actually help paranoia.

Man is a social being. This probably has more reason than simple survival instincts. We support each other very much. I would rather consider this connection as coexistence to a supportive acting performance than a reflection of a mirror. People can effect each other. You're reacting to what's going on around you. If you're just looking at the happy, smiling people, you'll be in a better

„When I was a kid, there was no collaboration; it's you with a camera bossing your friends around. But as an adult, film making is all about appreciating the talents of the people you surround yourself with and knowing you could never have made any of these films by yourself.” - Steven Spielberg

The Fail

Back to one of the students, the thought about the fail was pretty much surprised her. I understand. Nobody likes to talk about it. Not to speak about experiencing it. But our conscious mind, and the part of us that's under this, probably disagree with many things. A lot of things are interpreted differently. And as much as we'd like to begin to understand it wisely, it takes time to figure out when we thought it was real.


Failure can't only be when it comes as a complete catastrophe after a great success. You don't have to destroy everything to experience failure. When something didn't happen the way you wanted it. It wasn't the gift that you wanted under the Christmas Tree, not to be praised properly after a good grade, you could all experience it as a failure. Or as a betrayal. Which can give you a lot of explaining who your really close friends are.

Failure is a part of your life. But as you can see from the above lines, you can choose. You can also choose to stuck in the past. Or that you realize what's going on around you. Maybe you got these after your failures. I mean, what you gained based on your experience.

„I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work” - . Thomas A. Edison

Everything is just a matter of perspective...

pictures from Unsplash

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