I've always thought that there are simpler ways of doing things.
Maybe I'm not always the most productive, and I often overthink things to the point where I don't even start them, but if I think things through, I feel more efficient in what I do. I have always liked to think first and then act. I have seen many of the opposites of this in my life, and to this day I listen with interest to lectures on "Just Do It!!!".
My first experience with the term "duality" was around 16. I was brought up in a non-religious family, so religions, specifically the Christian religion, were not a daily topic. Neither the teaching nor the practice of religion. But once a friend of mine started telling me about someone telling him about the existence of God. Among other things, playing music made him better. I noticed this and became curious. I also started listening to these stories, and for the next 5 years I continued to learn the teachings of the Bible. The battle of Good and Evil. A constant battle. Perhaps this can be interpreted from the religious scriptures. From what I was reading I was constantly assuming that I was a sinner and that I had to be corrected somehow. (Is it possible to sum up 5 years in 2 sentences? No.) Which is of course much more complex than that. But the bottom line was that through continued hardship I would be able to become a better person. I also saw adults as a kid who were constantly struggling with something. As a kid, of course, it wasn't really clear why. In today's mind I could "decipher" them, but that would be quibbling. However, the fact is that many adults to this day accept, even if not out of religious conviction, that the only way to progress is through challenges and obstacles.
Over time, these ideas became stronger in me too, but somewhere I felt that there was another way. There is a way to achieve much better things with the right tools. More and more, I started not to understand why it was so important, the ideology that you need black with white. You need night to evaluate day and so on. I came to understand that I make much different decisions based on my experience than I would if I just gave an opinion on something without experience. And, as it happens, before I had completely shifted my life to this thread, situations changed.
The first serious choice was when I thought I was healthy, but for some reason that bat still flew out of my hand because the pain was so deep in my elbow that I couldn't hold it any longer. The reason this event is so significant is because it was then that I started to investigate what was behind it. How could my parents' illness show up in my life when I was living a different life??? I didn't understand and the solution came years later. For some reason this symptom appeared in my body too, and maybe it was trying to tell me something.
I still haven't got to the bottom of it, but I have understood much more about what the obstacles in my life mean than before. According to one study that looked at the failure of Biosphere II, plants were not able to grow in full health. The reason was that they did not think that the conditions had the right intensity of impact on them, i.e. they had not encountered the right number and scale of difficulties. Nor could they develop sufficient resistance and strength. I often ask myself: what if life did not work like that? What would happen to societies today? What would happen to people?
I think that the solution would be the golden middle. I believe that it is not necessary or even fortunate to solve everything for someone else. But with the right support, a lot can be better. I think the obstacles in myself have been quietly exchanged for opportunities. Despite not being able to live my life 100% like this yet, I try to ask questions when I encounter difficulties.
I wonder what is good for me in this? Why is this the way it is? What do I learn from it?
It doesn't hurt if you put that too, we are very intuitive. Perhaps more so than what we believe about ourselves. It's not always just about me or just about You. Sometimes we're just actors in something. The more you ask yourself the questions, the more you will see more clearly which are the obstacles that YOU have to overcome and which are the obstacles that YOU don't. I continue to feel that you don't need to have particularly serious difficulties or obstacles to develop something. Not everyone is born on this planet to be an explorer. If you think/feel that the only way to get ahead is through hardship, then that can be as limiting as it is supportive.
For every situation you encounter for the first time, you may seem to react completely instinctively. You've never encountered this before, how could it be otherwise, right? Well, the thing is, your mind is constantly trying to be at least one step ahead of you. When you encounter a situation, you react, mostly with the tools you've already stored up inside yourself. With past memories that even contain emotions. Perhaps I could say that your mind chooses the right reaction for you even before you are still busy with the current experience. No wonder the mind-computer analogy is mentioned so often. A situation becomes what it is or is for you by the way your mind retrieves past experiences.
It's what makes you laugh for the eighty-fifth time at the same cat video as the first time, or brings a tear to your eye when a small child hugs a gloomy-looking stranger. It's also why you think you need hardship to be more successful. But there's more. Memories start to fade over time, and so the stimulus has to be stronger. The more you use a memory, the stronger the impact becomes, but not necessarily the one you first think of. Muscles, for example, are happy with the movements that trigger them to use, but it's different with emotions. A task and its associated emotional stimulus will change over time. Of course, there are genius and less genius sides to this. When you first encountered your exam you were faced with perhaps the most difficult assignment of your life. Learning an entire course??? Has this teacher lost his mind???? No more than 10 years later, you can only smile to yourself. At best. You've learned what it's like to face such a challenge and what it takes to overcome it. Some people, on the other hand, have never been able to get over that hurdle. And there is also the case of someone who meets their sweetheart for the first time and is almost speechless with excitement and no more than 10 years later, many in the same relationship don't want to speak. The same downward spiral applies here.
If you think that the only time you can have anything of value in your life is when you have to defeat the 7 headed dragon to do so, you will face many challenges in your life. Perhaps it is to prove something to yourself or to others. This can be both exhausting and draining.
Perhaps there is a happy middle ground, and it is possible to make room for others to experience events alongside the rationality of your mind. It is possible to take life events more lightly without judging yourself a loser. It is possible to succeed even if you first have a picture of what you really want. You don't have to let go of your abilities and skills that are geared towards being able to solve a task or be innovative even if the environment is a little gloomy. But how long you hold back, and for what reason, an obstacle in your life is up to you!